I seriously need a twelve-step program…

Yesterday at 1:30 pm, my Internet stopped working. I was cool. I was handling it. I was thinking, any second now, it will start working. So, at 4:30 pm when it still wasn’t working, and I started getting a little shaky, I called the cable company to find out what the heck was going on.

First, the number I called was one of those 888 numbers. I was rerouted through India, I’m pretty sure, and after being on hold for 40 freaking minutes, the nice woman with the accent said: “There is an outage in your area. You Internet should be up in 2-3 hours.”

Now, keep in mind, I’d already been without the Internet for 4 hours at this time. But I thought, okay, another 2-3 hours, I can handle it.

So, at 7:00 pm, still no Internet. The flop sweat is starting to kick in, my palms are clammy, and my heart is starting to thump a little fast. I call the 888 number again. I get a stupid automated message that says “We are aware of an outage in your area. Technicians have been dispatched to resolve the problem.”

I’m like “F*CK!” 8:00 pm, same thing, 9:00 pm, again, nothing’s changed. I swear at this point I was starting to shake. But at least I had “So You Think You Can Dance” and “Last Comic Standing” to occupy my time.

10:00 pm, I’m thinking that if I hear that freaking woman on that automated message one more time I’m going to stab someone. I try at this point to bootleg some unsecured network. Doesn’t work. (See, the stealing, or attempted theft, has already begun – I can totally see why junkies steal from family and friends at this point).

11:00 pm, I’m getting paranoid. The Internet company is somehow denying me access on purpose! I just know it.

By Midnight, it’s just getting ridiculous. I hear a noise in the kitchen. Somethings scratching at the window. Etc… My son kept teasing me, saying, “hey, I think the Internet’s back.” Then when I’d check, he’d laugh. I was ready to pack him off to an orphanage.

At 4:00 am I’m starting to feel the first signs of hallucinations in combination with all the other withdrawal symptoms, and I’m ready to jack the cable right into a vein if it will get me the Internet, I went to bed.

So, I wake up this morning at 10:00 am. Yes, TEN A M. I know, stupidly early for me. The Internet is back up and running. When my email starts downloading, you can’t even imagine the sense of relief flooding through my body. Hell, I didn’t even get coffee or a cigarette for nearly 20 minutes while I just cruised the world wide web. I didn’t even pee. I just let that unholy fix flood my system and return my synapsis back to status quo. (Thankfully, I won’t have to remove all the sharp objects from my bathroom and lock myself in — which is where, I think we all know, this was heading.)

I’m sick. I need help. I realize that now. LMAO. I tried looking up a 12 Step program for Internet junkies, but nothing’s listed online. *grin*


Explore posts in the same categories: Internet Junkie, Renee George

2 Comments on “I seriously need a twelve-step program…”

  1. terrises Says:

    POOR Renee I can totally relate I would DIE without my internet

  2. emmaraygarrett Says:

    Pfft. Talk to me about being a junkie after you go ten days without. After about day three, seriously withdrawl. DT like symptoms set in. You sit and stare at the computer, fantasizing about what you would be doing if the net was working.

    After a week, you start to loathe the computer. You ignore it, give it black looks.

    And as soon as its back on, you’re fighting off your family to get back to. Knocking over the kids, kneecapping your husband. Oh, god, the rush.


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